Fear Factor: SuperStore Shopping
A famous ex-pro cross-country racer once proudly told me that he rode his 34-pound dual-suspension bike all the way from Squamish to Vancouver (about 60 kilometres). Pooh, I thought: try hauling 50+ pounds of gear on your bike on a tour in a foreign country. Come to think of it, try doing it here at home where vindictive weather, belligerent traffic, and scornful pedestrians make a simple car-free grocery run an X-treme challenge.
Done the Grouse Grind? 24 Hours of Adrenaline? Sea to Summit? Let's up the ante: you, your bike and $200 worth of Superstore groceries... without bike panniers or a B.O.B. trailer. Not only does this pose a ridiculous challenge, it's also rebelliously environmental in a geeky kind of way. Here's how you can do it:
The Gear:
- a standard rear bike rack
- two short and one long bungee cords
- a produce cardboard box (the kind with notches and circles cut out of the sides)
- a medium-sized backpack
- a dry day
The Groceries:
Can of chunky soup, jar of apricot jam, jar of corn & black bean salsa, 2 bottles of "Memories of..." sauce, canned pears, canned peaches, jar of butter chicken curry sauce, large jar of red pickled cabbage, canister of parmesan cheese, jar of red pepper pasta sauce, box of frozen breaded sole fillets, dozen eggs, squeeze bottle of honey, spray oil, jar of mayo, slab of bacon, family-pack of pork chops, half litre of milk, pound of unsalted butter, 2 butter croissants, bulk pack of fruit snack bars, 6 fruit pastries, 2 packs of chicken noodle soup, cumin papadum, #2 coffee filters, large bag of tortillas, 2 boxes of hair colour (Clairol "Rosewood" if you must know), Persian wax (don't ask), 2-pack of 90w bulbs, 5-pack of 200 ISO film, sweatproof SPF30 sunblock (thinkin' of that next trip), extra- firm tofu, cheddar-cheese-and macaroni, 6-pack of hair bands, box of wheat crackers, bag of chocolate-chunk cookies, bag of carrots, 2 honey-bran muffin mixes, box of chocolate-granola bars, bunch of baby spinach, pack of rice noodles, pack of weird little gnocchi things; and bulk bags of: walnuts, raisins, white rice, brown rice, and quick oats.
The Technique:
Position the cardboard box lengthwise on the rear rack. Fold in the edge of the box that goes under your saddle enough so it doesn't rub your ass when you ride. Take one of the short bungee cords, thread it under the rack (but above the fender, silly) and hook it into the cut-out holes on either side of the box. Take the other short bungee, thread it similarly, but at the very back of the rack. Pull the bungee hooks straight out behind the bike and hook them both at the very back of the box.
This will push the box securely toward your seat post. Throw your backpack and U-lock into the box, wiggle the bike back and forth a few times to test it, and ride to the store. Unhook the box from the bike and bring it into the store with you.
When you're done shopping, pack your groceries directly into the box ~ no need for plastic bags (dry days are recommended for this reason).
How you pack while still at the check-out counter is the magic trick: put all the heavy jars and cans along the length of the centre of the box. This keeps the centre-of-gravity where the rack will support it. Position boxes, packs and other items around them. Put soft-but-heavy items like the bulk bags and muffin mixes into the backpack. Then put fragile and crushable items either on the top of the boxed items or at the top of your backpack. Carry the box out to your bike, strap it on, and strap the longer bungee cord across the top of the box to prevent lighter groceries flying out of the box and onto the roadway behind you. Adjust your backpack.
Ride slow, ride smooth, and watch those bumps!
Click to enlarge...
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